A Child, Seeking Answers

It all began when my mother died when I was still a toddler.  I have no memory of her, but I’ve been told that she was a very religious woman who was active in the local Catholic church.  She passed away shortly after she gave birth to my brother. My father was left alone and with two children to care for.  In his grief, he broke all relations with the Church and raised my brother and I without any spiritual guidance. 

One of the few exceptions was one of my babysitters, who was a family of devout Baptists.  I was still a young child when they took care of me and my brother.  Most of what I remember about attending their church was that there was a lot of singing.  I found it odd that they really liked this Jesus fellow. All I knew about Jesus was that he died a really long time ago.  I don’t think my father liked them taking us to church, because they weren’t our babysitters for long.  The last time I saw them, they gave me a copy of a children’s illustrated version of the King James Bible.

I’ve always been a curious person.

As a child, I especially loved learning about math, science and technology. Starting around the age of eleven, I expanded my interests to include religion and philosophy. I thought a lot about death, the afterlife and if there really was a God or not.  However, unlike science and technology, this wasn’t something I could explore by doing experiments.  

I thought that perhaps, the King James Bible I’d been given several years before would have those answers. I decided to become a Christian, even though I had no idea what that really meant.  I thought that if there was a God, He would make life perfect for me.  I found the Bible and started reading it from Genesis chapter 1.  This lasted a whole two days.  On a rainy evening, I tracked mud in the house and got scolded for doing so.  While sitting outside and cleaning the mud off of my shoes, I looked up to Heaven and denounced God.  I asked Satan to enter my life.  Since God didn't make everything perfect for me, I fully expected Satan to fill the role. He is God's enemy, after all.  That also lasted about two days.  Satan didn't fit the role of the Cosmic Santa Claus any more than God did. Disappointed, I decided that there couldn't be a spiritual realm after all and I became an atheist.

Little did I know, Satan didn’t leave me empty-handed.